Date Night....with My Kids
Do you remember a time when you thought it would be a good idea to take your kids to a restaurant with you only to leave feeling like it was a bad idea? Sometimes we tend to set ourselves up for failure when we envision this perfect outing and yet haven’t done the necessary prep work with our children. DON’T GIVE UP. It’s important for kids to learn social skills…..without phones/technology. Teaching them how to have small talk.
We started doing date night with Ethan when I was pregnant with Micah. Like most little ones, they sense the big change that’s coming and can’t put those emotions into words. I wanted, like most mothers, for my boys to have a strong relationship from the start. So we started date night. Whenever we would notice Ethan struggling with the idea of new baby brother or people constantly asking him if he was excited for a little brother we would take him out. Just one-on-one time with myself or dad. On the date we never took out our phones or talked about anyone else except each other. We would let him choose what he wanted to do with that time. Sometimes it was a home date and other times it was going out to a fast food place or even a sit down restaurant. In these little outings we would talk about social norms and why we do them.
Each time we would go out and he would choose our activity I would ask myself what he needed to be successful. One of our dates we went to play Lazer Tag. So much fun! However, I knew that we’d be playing with older kids that wanted an easy target. I ran through scenarios in my head of things he might struggle with and a way to help him process. Same process when we went to a nice sushi restaurant with white table cloths.
Now as Ethan is getting older and understands more about money and have practiced waiting for our food, using polite table manner and etiquette, we are at a new stage in his life of social development. I want to make sure that my boys are gentleman and are equipped with the tools to take a girl out on a date, treat her like a lady, and not be shy to have conversations that don’t involve their phones. To make connections as humans not just romantically. *Please note that I am an old soul and I take things old school, it’s just my jam.
Our date nights with my 4 year old versus my 7 year old look very different. With my 4 year old we are working on different skills like etiquette and good manners. My 7 year old we have now moved on to my husband prepping him for our date. We go on dates when Ethan comes and asks me to go to out on a date with him (or sometimes dad). James (the Hubby) will help him get ready and give him money for our date. He reminds Ethan what it’s like to treat me “like a lady” (opening the door for me, allowing me to go first….). While we are out MY PHONE NEVER COMES OUT, read that again. Not even for a picture. I won’t him to know that his time is valuable to me and that he has my undivided attention. We talk about all sorts of things on our dates and I love listening to what the world is like to him, and of course we converse back and forth. When we order dinner, James has prepped him with a certain amount of money that he now has to try and figure out how much he can spend on his meal after I’ve chosen mine. (please note that I actually do know the amount but I never say that I know). This allows him to practice some real math skills when it comes time to pay for the bill and a sense of money and how much things cost.
Now I know that not everyone can do things the way we do things but the principals are still there. Find time to have the quality time with one child at a time. Sometimes that's not possible and it’s a family date night (we do those too). The idea is to set you children up for success on outings and for their future. To be able to have actual meaningful conversations with a human and not a screen.