Do You Remember What It's like to be Scared...Truly Terrified?
Think back…when was it that you had to face one of your fears? I’m not talking about the time you said you were scared to be home alone so when the time came you just called a friend over. Or even that type of scared where you still go to that haunted house and laugh/cry your way through it because you like the attention that cute guy gives you. I’m talking about that fear where you go into full on panic mode and hyperventilate/go totally quiet. Even if your fear seams silly to others. Well after 10 years I FINALLY conquered one of mine.
Since I’ve been married (10 years now) my Hubby has tried so hard to get me scuba certified. I’ve tried to get certified before we were married and it didn’t go so well for me. Needless to say I panicked in the water, released everything and swam to shore. (Which is a big no, no…I was only about 8 feet deep though). Well in the spring of 2019 he asked again because he got a good deal…I’m not about to let a good deal go to waste, so I signed up. Still feeling a little nervous I pressed on. I did all the online/paperwork necessary. I proceeded to do a Discovery Dive with a one-on-one instructor to help settle some of my fears and discomforts. Even though it was just an introductory lesson I still struggled, and by struggled I mean cried, hyperventilated, and full on panicked. My Hubby wasn’t allowed to be in the water with me during this introduction for the purpose of making sure I could do it. I really had to go it alone, and rely on myself.
After a few months of recovery, on November 5, 2019 I started my pool dives to get certified. My first night of lessons was difficult, but was manageable. Feeling a little more confident that I could face my fears I went on to my second class. Well, I got humbled quickly. I was literally lifted out of the water after hyperventilating because I was panicking underwater. They pulled me out of the water and gave me air because I couldn’t calm down. After about an hour I got back in to try again. I finished that day feeling defeated. I got home to report to my Hubby about the class and just talking about it put me in tears and hyperventilation. I pressed on and returned the next day to try and pass things off, this time with my sweet Hubby in the water next to me. I completed the tasks required of me with lots of time and patience from the Dive Master (thank you Rachelle with Scuba Utah!). I returned the next week for my final pool dive. I cried and took a lot of extra time but I DID IT!
The final step….the open water dive. Going deep (35ft.) and passing off all the skills I learned in the pool. My courage cup wasn’t feeling quite as full as I’d hoped and I still cried A LOT. With my Hubby by my side we went up on a Friday night to start my dives. It wasn’t easy, I cried some more, and hyperventilated…AGAIN, BUT...I passed the first dive! Feeling a little relieved and impressed with myself that I COULD actually face my fears we went back on Saturday for our final dive. I was still feeling completely terrified, and needed to pass off a few more skills. This time the panic set in even harder. These skills were even more challenging for me, as if it couldn’t get any worse! It did! And in that moment…I turned behind me and saw this message from my sweet Hubby and knew…
I’ve made it this far I can do it. Still with tears (even filling my mask LOL), heavy breathing and fear I PASSED! I’m proud to say that I Leticia am now SCUBA CERTIFIED!!!
Facing this made me realize how my littles and many others face their fears. They can seem insignificant, like blowing your nose (yes you read that correctly. Katie has in fact had a student terrified of blowing his nose), or going down stairs, or fear of the dark, being alone, going to the dentist or the doctor, and countless others. That fear for them is REAL even if it isn’t to you. My Dive Master Rachelle has been diving for years and has seen it all. Yet still with my insecurities and fears she empathized with me, was patient, never pushed me beyond my comfort zone, unless I told her I was ready. She made me realize that it was a true fear, but that it was OKAY.
Everyone handles fear differently, however, everyone needs someone in their corner to say that IT’S OK TO BE AFRAID. It’s ok to be scared of the dark, to brush your teeth, or scared of your neighbor’s cat. I realized that no matter what fear it is that my littles are faced with I need them to know that it’s ok. To understand that to THEM that fear is real, and quite possibly too big for them to face. But they can do it!
Let them face that fear and DON’T take it from them. Hold their hand and let them take ownership of that fear. Walk with them baby steps at a time. Encouraging every step with reassurance and empathy. Pausing when necessary and taking that next tiny step when THEY feel THEY can. After they face that fear, no matter how long it may take, cheering with them for their victory.
Telling someone, YOU’RE OK! versus asking ARE YOU OKAY? are two completely different things. I’ve looked back at things I’ve said to my own children and students, “you’re ok”, “it’s not a big deal”, “look at how many of other people have done this before you and they’re ok”, “oh you’ll be fine”. Are any of these sounding familiar? Yeah to me too because I’VE SAID THEM! It’s never my place to tell someone how they feel or to belittle THEIR fear. Some of the statements we say can actually prohibit children from facing their fears and overcoming them.
I need to say that having my children watch me face my fear and seeing how they encouraged me with countless hugs, thumbs up, “you’ve got this momma” and clapping was so reassuring. I hope I can always reciprocate those strengths to them. I hope you can do the same to those littles that look to you for comfort and safety.
I challenge you this new 2020 year to face one of your fears head on and remind yourself of that feeling. Press forward and know that the Making Montessori team will always support you and cheer you on! Find someone or something that can help you fill up your Courage Cup.
You’ve Got This!
-Leticia.