Dude! This Life Thing is Hard: Ideas For cultivating Inner Peace
I’m not sure if it was just me or if you feel the same way, but re-entering the world “post” COVID has been the hardest ever! I went from a slow paced calm to riding on a bullet, overnight. I know my kids have felt this as well. Anxiety creeps in, stress, and not enough time to self reflect/meditate. If you’re not in the classroom it can sometimes seem harder to focus on that PEACE that we talk about so frequently. Maria Montessori said “Everyone talks about PEACE, but no one educates for peace. People educate for competition and this is the beginning of any war. When we educate to cooperate and be in solidarity with one another, that day we will be educating for peace.” This war doesn’t need to be a war with other countries or even a civil war, this war can be internal with yourself. Being at peace with yourself is where to begin to build peace with others and the world.
But dang, life is HARD! It doesn’t matter what age you are or what stage of life you are in. It doesn’t matter if what you are going through is hard for you, but not for someone else. The beautiful thing about it all is that we have resources to help ourselves or others through the hard times. The first thing you need to know is that here at Foresight, WE SEE YOU! Feeling validated in your struggles is sometimes all you need to help move through it. And if you need more than that, or someone around you does I hope we can share some helpful insights for you. Don’t be fooled, we, ourselves, are still working on this individually. We are not experts. We each have our own stories of finding that inner peace, the calm in the storm and Cathie and I wanted to share just a couple of things we’ve found through the storms of life that we feel can relate to anyone.
Cathie of The Helpful Garden and Foresight Montessori
Cathie’s Story
“Those of you who have been following the Helpful Garden for many years will know that my youngest son was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in October of 2014. The experience of his fight and my daily support was one of the most traumatic experiences of my entire life. In January of 2020 our oldest son was also diagnosed with a tumor and had a short but harrowing fight for his life. Both children are doing well now. We hope it stays that way. This was so much to happen in such a short period of time. When you are in it you just get through and keep trucking. I have 5 children and everyone needed me, all the time. There has been a great deal of emotional fallout from fighting cancer not once but twice in our family. Children dealing with suicidal ideation just to get away in their heads for a few minutes. Severe depression and anxiety showing up and almost taking the life of our middle child. Cancer is seriously a thief… that’s all. A thief. There’s not really time to work through things while all of that is happening. You take care of today and worry about tomorrow.
I began feeling, at the beginning of the 2019 school year, that it was time to begin processing everything that had happened just with our youngest’s treatment. I didn’t really want to go there quite yet, but I knew that in order for me to be present for my family and to get better I would need to. I started just talking with my most wonderful co-teacher everyday about how hard life was for me. She was completely supportive and saved space for me everyday. I will forever have the deepest gratitude to her for her love and support. She was my safety net. Most people would recoil when they would ask questions about his treatment. I would share with them and they would quickly want to escape because so much of the experience, so many days, were so harrowing… so traumatic. They were traumatized just listening.
Eventually I knew I had to get professional help. I couldn’t actually get well without it. Our school is simply amazing. During this last school year they recognized the need for a counselor on site and brought in a wonderful woman. I couldn’t really muster up the courage to make an appointment with her, but instead saw her outside while I was eating lunch. I just started talking with her. She was EXACTLY who I needed. She was attentive, validating and a trained trauma counselor to boot.
One time I was speaking to her she pointed out that those who fight cancer, and those that help them through it (especially for children), and veterans who have seen active combat experience many of the same things. The PTSD associated with both experiences are almost identical. It was in this exact moment that I was given permission to be sad. To be overwhelmed by my sadness at all the loss we had experienced in our lives.
When I spoke about how much weight I had gained in the last 6 years she spoke to how my body had been there for me through it all. How much I had relied on it to carry me through all of it and how it had always been there. Mistreated or not. I knew how true a statement it was.
On the way home that day I fell to pieces in the car. I began speaking to my wonderful body. I said how much I was sorry for what we had to go through. I thanked my body for keeping me going, for being there, for seeing me through all the horrible things. For the first time, probably in my life, I really showed my body love.
My story is longer. There has been so much I’ve worked through. So many others who have helped me and been willing to listen to me talk about specific horrifying experiences so I could understand that what had happened was really that bad. To allow myself to feel it all.
I am doing pretty well now. It wasn’t like that for a long time. I am so grateful to everyone that is my safety net. I have learned so much about making space for others while they get through their crappy stuff. Learning to thank my body and really mean it has made all the difference to my mental health.
Thank Your Body
Have you thanked your body? Would you ask your students/friends/family to thank their body for seeing them through a particularly hard time in their life?
Being a diabetic (Leticia) I talked with Cathie about how difficult it can be for people who struggle daily with something to thank their body. Think about what it CAN do, what it DOES for you daily. I thank my body for responding to the daily shots I give myself and accepting it. For healing each injection site without complaint, daily.
Remember,
“Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to other” (Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation)
Leticia of The Helpful Garden and Foresight Montessori
Leticia’s Story
If you are like me and you saw those words, SELF-CARE, you would stop reading right now. I struggle with self-care and the idea of doing something for myself, but I want you to know that if you struggle with this too, you are not alone! Anytime the topic of self-care came up I would instantly get uncomfortable and cry because I couldn’t do it. We all are at different stages and places in our lives, and self-care is for everyone, it is for you and the children you work with. Lead by example.
Katie and I used to teach in the same early childhood classroom and I taught a lesson, ironically, on self-care. After the lesson we gave a small challenge to each student to look in the mirror and say just 1 positive thing about themselves. We had a darling little in our Early Childhood classroom that just cried. She simply could not think of 1 thing she could say to herself. This took half a day and everyone in our classroom to help her see that it was okay to say something positive about herself to herself. Each of us shared something positive about her before she could believe it herself. I didn’t realize until later that I am just like her! I cried while doing just 5 minutes of yoga out of pure joy, I may have also had major anxiety going to my first therapy session (because “I shouldn’t need therapy, I’M supposed to help OTHERS”). It may be challenging, but the hardest step is the first one. After the first initial step it slowly got easier to see how much better off I was at taking just that small amount of time to appreciate all that I’ve been through, or am going through.
While going through my Montessori training, I had a breakthrough moment. During the peace section of my training, my wonderful instructor, Lois Bobo, who is one of my biggest mentors, talked about self-care. While sitting in my seat, I could feel the blood rushing to my face, my palms getting sweaty, and the anxiety started to set in. I tried my best to hide my face, as I could feel the tears building up. Very discreetly and quietly she simply looked at me and smiled. She assigned us a task to create 10 Delicious Practices. She then explained what we needed to do: On a piece of paper write an inspiring quote, insert a lovely picture, write 4 affirmations and 10 tabs of things you can do that bring you joy. Hang it up where it can be seen and when you feel anxious or rushed, start by reading the quote, meditating on the picture and reciting your affirmations. If you need a little more, take a tab and do whatever it says in that moment. By the end of the week all of the tabs should be gone. You do the tabs mindfully while keeping yourself present throughout the activity. Do this with the intent of caring for yourself. Make a new one each week.
When I returned to class the following week to present what I had put on my 10 Delicious Practices, it was blank. I was the last to present and said to her that I simply couldn’t do it. She again smiled and moved on. Later she took me aside by myself and offered to help me. Yes, I cried the entire time feeling selfish and unworthy to care for myself. She sweetly said, “crying is self-care too.” She then took time to check in with me daily and gave me some great resources to help me begin to find that peace I needed within myself. I’ve continued working towards my 10 Delicious Practices. It’s still an ongoing journey…
We have created a free downloadable template of 10 Delicious Practices for you, simply print it off and add your delicious practices to it!
Ideas for Self-Care
If you don’t know where to begin or need ideas on how to begin, HERE is a resource that I found to help me get started.
Remember the first step is recognition and we at Foresight Montessori are here to validate that burnout, trauma, and compassion fatigue is real. Each of us at Foresight Montessori have our own stories about self-care. It is so personal, I mean SELF is in the name! There’s no wrong way to do self-care. In order to be “selfish” at all you first have to have a sense of self. So self-care is not selfish. Find yourself through your self-care, what do you like? What makes you happy? Take all of who you are and share that beauty with others. What brings you happiness and joy that does not have to do with your job?
There are some areas of caution that you should be made aware of that can easily be hidden or overshadowed.
Self-care is NOT just about GOING AND GETTING YOUR NAILS DONE ;) A lot of popular self-care activities have been created to spend money. Real self-care doesn’t have to cost money. (I do love a little retail therapy, BUT only done mindfully and peacefully)
The “PUSH THROUGH” mindset is a cover up and does not fix it. When we push through our anxieties or bury our emotions, we are simply placing a bandaid on them. This is not sustainable and will ultimately cause burnout.
Don’t fall for controlling your behavior before you practice your self-care. This may sound like “if I do X, then I can do my self-care”… don’t punish yourself to get to that peaceful place. Drop everything and do it for yourself in the moment.
Here are some other ideas to help you get started:
Practice mindful eating
Daily movement
Yoga
Exercise
Dancing!
Walking outside
Daily mindfulness
meditation
Body scan
Thanking your body
Develop morning and nightly routines
Get your sleep under control
Go outside and get some SUN on your face
Laugh. Look up some funny memes or watch your favorite funny show!
Get a therapist. Although we advocate for therapy, we do recognize therapy is a privilege and can be a very hard service to access for some people.
Build relationships with people you can open up to.
Remember, what works for someone else may not work for you, and that’s OKAY! As you care for yourself and enter into this new school year recognize that the children coming into the classroom are coming with their own life struggles as well. Inspire them to find their inner peace as you continue to find yours. These coping skills you are working on are for any age!
We are right alongside you fighting the good fight! We can do hard things!
